Embrace the Messiness

 
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Embrace de Messiness

My journey to a life transforming decision.

My friend Linda sat with me two weeks after I resigned from my job.  Linda and I had worked together at my former organization. A little over a year prior, she had made the decision to resign so that she could focus on specific projects that really mattered to her and more than anything, to experience life as one big adventure where she could concentrate on experiences that made her happy and fulfilled.  

She arrived to our little meeting that sunny Friday afternoon looking stunning. As she walked toward me I could feel a glow coming from her and an incredible air of wisdom emanated from her soul and aura as she approached the table.

I felt so much joy when she sat next to me.  She told me she was proud of me for taking this important step and also provided some accurate celestial advice.  At that point in my own timeline, I was feeling excitement more than anything. She walked me through what the journey was like for her and shared with me the different stages and emotions that I might feel while going through this transition.  

One stage that was surprising for me to hear was “healing.”  Linda said to me—“Pili, right after your last day at work, you will start the healing process. You cannot skip it. Just feel it and be compassionate and loving with yourself; you need it.”  At the time, I did not know what exactly she was referring to, but once I started life after my organization, I immediately understood what she meant by it. My body, my heart, and my mind have been going through a significant amount of emotions of all sorts from joy to sorrow to excitement and there are indeed no shortcuts.  By all means “healing” is needed. I began to remember a similar feeling I experienced once before when I was mourning the loss of my longtime mentor fourteen years ago.

I had always known that emotions are feedback to the mind and that they are critical elements for figuring out our overall state of being at any given time.  They serve an important purpose, pre and post making a decision about walking off a pathway to embark on a different one.

At this point, I can say that it is important to embrace all the messiness brought on by these feelings. The transition process for me has been interesting, and I have not experienced the same type of emotions every day, but I can clearly see how healing is of the essence.  Healing for me has been about focusing on myself and listening to my body while letting go of the need to control everything that happens inside of me. I have fully enjoyed these weeks understanding that it is OK to do things that I love to do even though they feel much more like playing than planning. The process for me has been about embracing freedom.  

In the months prior to my resignation, I was living in my own little hell.  I felt betrayed, down, and tired. I cried, I laughed, I struggled, and I also prayed for a miracle.  What I didn’t know at the time was that the miracle was actually inside of me. Little by little the process stopped being about the job itself, the position or the environment and it became more and more about unveiling the essence of this very change.  How did I want to be remembered for aside from my prior role at my former organization? What did I want the stories of my new legacy to be? What am I doing while I am living? Who can I become? What am I willing to do to get to a better version of myself where I realize my full potential?  What am I willing to do today to invest in the woman I want to become?

I needed to acknowledge the role I had in this critical moment in my life and acknowledge the steps I needed to take to start this journey. Holding myself accountable for my future was crucial to this tipping point and the first step was to let go, let go of the past and who I had been for two decades so that I could focus on who I wanted to become.     

All those emotions wrapped as a beautiful crisis allowed me to stand up and get the strength I needed (inspired by my younger self) so that I could invest in the woman that was emerging from this moment. My heart was inspired by all these emotions, and my mind understood that I needed a change in order to move away from this place I had been the previous months.

When I finally felt uncomfortable again and at a crossroad that is when I knew something great was about to happen. I needed to bring myself back to life and to respond to the question of how the world would be a better place because of the person I wanted to become. I realized I needed to fight for that phenomenal woman that has a need to serve others and give back with a full tank again. My miracle emerged from within and my mind, my soul, and my body aligned so that I could make the decision to take the first step toward the place I needed to be, taking full accountability for my future.  

Embracing the messiness and allowing myself to discover what my mind, my body, and my soul were telling me was not only pretty hard and very uncomfortable, but it was also absolutely indispensable.  

Great things never come from comfort zones. What is your messiness trying to tell you? What are you willing to do today to invest in the person you want to become?